Toad Stool

"Toad stool" is "Frogese" for bullshit. I just received the following message from the vilest toad of them all: the dating site scammer. "Signs of a Scammer at Work" are in bold letters. 

"Hello pretty am very glad to hear from you, i must confess you are very  cute and
charming you are even mush younger than your age and i want you to know that
age is nothing and distance is nothing all that matter is the real love and understanding and i know you have every thing a man desires in a woman and you can be a good mother and a good wife to me i don't need those young ladies that don't know anything about love or feelings, and i don't jump around ladies am not that kind of man i really need woman that can understand me and love me for real. I thank God i found you cause i know you have everything i have been searching for all this while am very glad to hear from you once more.

"Am Henry Benjamin by name and i work and live in North London, i have one lovely kid Susan by name and she mean everything to me she is the Apple of my eyes i work for her and i don't toy with her she is all i haveand mother died two years ago in a car accident on her way from work since then i have been all alone by my self and i have been searching for a caring and understanding woman like you who can take good care of her for and also take good care of me too and i thank God i found you and i must tell you a lovely pic, i
will be very much happier if you can send me some of your pics and your phone
number i really love to hear your loevly voice.Please take good care of your self for me my charming  awaiting your reply LOVE YOU and Need you in my life.  
Henry."

The Signs

1. The first sign is the use of "am" instead of "I am," denoting a pattern of speech 
inconsistent with grammatical usage by individuals whose first language is
English. Also, notice other grammatical errors, misspellings of commonly used
words, and the very stilted way of "speaking" throughout. 

2. The second paragraph is full of signs: indication that he is in search of a mother
for his child and a wife for himself; the death of his child's mother, usually in an
accident or due to a common disease such as cancer; his location and profession,
which is usually the UK, Nigeria, or Ghana where the scammer works as an
engineer or contractor in the oil or diamond industry; the profession of love for
woman he's never met and whose voice he's never heard. 

The profile photo was of a white male and, along with his name, is fake. Usually
these scammers are Nigerian or Ghanaian and they may even be female. The
tactic is to find someone willing to accept the above offer, then if the scammer is
not already in one of the three countries mentioned, 'he' will have to go there on
business. Then 'he' will either find the investment of a lifetime that will secure the
future of him, his child, and future wife OR 'he' will suffer a great tragedy or loss,
both scenarios that will require his "fiancée" to send him a large amount of cash. 

Women have sent thousands of dollars to these scammers who've made bilking
unsuspecting people into a cottage industry, often working at a site like the ones
where telemarketers make calls. Only instead of making calls, they send out these
scripted messages. 

Many scammers pretend to be Americans working overseas, but sign #1 gives
them away. I actually had a guy pretending to be from L. A., go on a fake "business" trip to the Philippines where he of course ran out of money and called
me using the Nigerian international code and talked to me with a heavy Nigerian accent, still trying to convince me that 'he' was American when I confronted him. 

Last I checked, he's still on Tagged, where scammers have free reign. The above
message was sent to me on Net Log where eight out of ten men who contact me
are scammers using almost the same exact script used by "Henry," one out of ten is a voyeur wanting me to go on web cam, and one out of ten is an honest man. 

Scammers are like viruses on dating sites and most free sites are full of them.
Of the free sites I've joined, only Plenty of Fish screens out scammers by not
allowing people to send email addresses, which is a scammer's main tool for
seducing women, either on a chat line or by a direct email message. I received the
above message through email. Most paid sites ban the exchange of email
addresses I've been told. 

While scammers are the lowest scum on dating sites, there are other toads and
frogs out there that are poisonous, too. While the scammers are usually just after
your money and will use every emotional ploy to get it, there are men on dating
sites who will take away your dignity, self-respect, and ability to trust other people.
These guys are after your heart and mind for their own self-gratification. I will reveal their personas and tactics in future posts. 

NEXT POST: MY RESPONSE TO "HENRY!"

Kissing Frogs

I'm not really in search of a prince. A decent guy with a job and average intelligence without psychological problems would suit me just fine. He doesn't have to be either tall or handsome, although a nice smile would be great. So, if I'm not searching for a prince, why am I kissing so many frogs? I think I've even smooched a couple of toads.

Kissing frogs in the dating world means encountering men that make Quasimodo and Hannibal Lector look like good prospects. Well, maybe they're not that bad. But when you're accosted by scammers trying to get money from you, "hit it and quit it" artists trying to get sex from you, voyeurs trying to get their kicks wanting to watch you on a web cam, and emotional vampires whose idea of a good time is shopping for a 'wife' and making proposals to women they don't intend to marry, you start to think that maybe online dating is a big joke and you're the punchline.

There are great guys on dating sites. Fantastic men who offer you support and "friendship!" Just what a woman in search of Mr. Right wants. A good looking male friend who'd never consider her as a romantic partner. In truth, I've made friends with a number of wonderful men and am very happy to have them as just friends. At least I don't have to kiss them. "Kissing" in online dating is a euphemism for taking the risk of opening yourself up to the possibility of a serious relationship and making yourself vulnerable to the aforementioned predatory practices.

Unfortunately, I'm still kissing frogs, hoping, not for a prince, but the one guy that will make me forget all the frogs and toads I've smacked in the kisser and justify all of the time, energy, emotional and financial risk, and my belief in love and satisfactory, if not happy, endings searching through dating sites for him. Only then will "kissing" stop being a euphemism.

Why use dating sites?

Today's singles are often busy with work and other concerns that keep them off the dating scene. Even those who have the time aren't always happy with their options. Many peole don't care to cruise bars for dates these days. Conventional methods of meeting people - at church, social groups/functions, common interests, or through friends - don't always work out with everyone moving in different circles and actually moving physically frequently for work or other opportunities, making it difficult to meet eligible singles.

The 21st century alternative to traditional dating is dating sites that promise to bring people together. Paid sites like match.com and eHarmony boast of their success in not only getting people together, but getting them to the altar! But what about those of us who don't have money to invest in finding a mate during the economic crisis? There are plenty of free sites and/or sites that offer some services free of charge. These include popular sites Plenty of Fish and Tagged, as well as less known sites such as Net Log and Badoo.

I've tried out all of the above and a few others and will be sharing my insights about dating sites that are basically free on this blog. Some of what I share will be very personal and some will reflect my own personal bias. However, everything I share, though very subjective, will present as balanced a view of each site as I can give based on my own personal experiences.